Trunchpole, the cartoon!

I've always subscribed to the theory that until you have been depicted in a cartoon, you cannot consider yourself truly successful. Well, thanks to the genius Kevin Butler I can now die a happy man.

And thank you for making me look so thin!

Keep them coming dear boy!

Trunchpole & Trunchpole: a manifesto

Some of you may be wondering exactly how my agency, Trunchpole & Trunchpole will operate. Well, I will now attempt to explain.

The T&T project will be divided into two distinct phases. If you will permit me I would like to start by explaining the second of these.

Phase two of T&T will see it operate as a regular (albeit far superior) full service advertising agency running out of an office in New York City. It will have a full time staff of highly talented and creative people. It will produce world class work for fresh and exciting clients. All, of course, under the watchful eyes of yours truly.

When T&T can move into this second phase will depend entirely upon the speed at which its first phase can be completed.

Phase one is where, in true Trunchpole style, things become more than a little unconventional. It will see T&T operate as an agency without an office and without a full time work force. Instead of employees it will have volunteer partners (you?), who will help me rebuild my agency from wherever in the land they currently reside. Through a process of online dialogue and collaborative endeavor we will together work on briefs and win exciting new accounts.

Once we have enough of these accounts T&T will move swiftly into its second phase, whereupon it will instantly become the most exciting, original and devastatingly modern agency seen thus far in the 21st Century.

If you would like to be a part of this most exciting project, do let me know.

T&T Logo entries no. 11 and 12

These designs from Maryam Javaid scream modern sophistication. Two things I certainly strive to be.

Well done Maryam.

T&T Logo entries no. 8, 9 and 10

Three wonderful bow tie inspired designs from Çağlayan İbiş and Barış Başaran. I love them!

T&T Logo entry no. 7

This design by Marcello Bernardi is truly a class act.

T&T Logo entries no. 4, 5 and 6

Three more splendid logo designs for my consideration.

The bottom one is from Robert Palmer, and the top two the wonderfully exotic sounding Ricardo Rodriguez.

T&T Logo entry no. 3

Now this is something very special indeed. Kevin Butler, you are a weird and wonderful man.

Can you see the tantalizing tension between myself and the unicorn? It's truly captivating.

T&T Logo entry no. 2

The wonderfully talented Megan Sheehan has really raised the bar with this T&T concept that is nothing short of a work of art.

This is really going to take some beating!

T&T Logo entry no. 1

The first thing Trunchpole & Trunchpole will be needing is a world class logo. And who better to help me achieve this than you, my advertising friends?!

This submission is from the design genius that is Mr Joel Mooy. I particularly love the way the + symbol looks exactly like one of my favourite buttons. Joel, have you been going through my cardigan draw?

All other logo designs most welcome.

Trunchpole & Trunchpole: now recruiting!!!

I have made up my mind. I shall relaunch Trunchpole & Trunchpole! It was the greatest advertising agency of its generation and there is no reason why it cannot scale such heights again. (If you're wondering who the second Trunchpole was, he was me. As was the first. I just liked the sound of the repetition).

To ensure T&T's triumph I must of course secure the services of the brightest minds in the advertising world. I am therefore now actively recruiting the very best in Copywriters, Art Directors, Production Managers, Project Managers, Designers, Chefs, sommeliers, Musicians, Computer experts, Linguists, animal wranglers, cleaning staff and of course secretaries. I think I can probably do without Account Directors this time around.

If you would like to work at the greatest agency in the world, email your CV to corneliustrunchpole@yahoo.com

(or just drop me a line on Facebook)

America: first impressions.

Dear reader.

I am writing this from the squalor of a holding cell at US immigration. An environ a thought I’d never need revisit again. Despite this setback my first impressions of the United States have been exceedingly positive. The officials have been most polite, the air conditioning not too extreme and the food far superior to that which I was expecting. With any luck I should be released to proceed with my mission within 4 weeks.

In the meantime I would like to use this period of solitude to reflect on the reason I ventured to this land in the first place, to reestablish myself as the beating heart of the advertising world.

In order to achieve this goal I have two possible courses of action: join an existing agency (presumably as chairman), or set up my own.

For the latter I will of course need a willing and enthusiastic work force of likeminded individuals (if this sounds like you, do please get in touch).

I have much to ponder.

Yours Truly

Cornelius

Cornelius Thinks...

I'd like to introduce a brand new section of my blog titled "Cornelius Thinks...". In it I shall succinctly explain my viewpoint on a particular issue that happens to be on my mind.

For instance, as an example, today I was thinking about the difference between weasels and ferrets. I concluded that there is in fact no difference between the two creatures. Therefore "Cornelius Thinks" the scientific community should decide once and for all which of the two names it is going to stick with.

Perhaps that wasn't the best example.

Selling up

I've come to realize that if I am to succeed in my goal of triumphantly returning to the world of advertising, I am going to have to be a little more compromising in where I reside. The highlands are the most beautiful place on Earth, but they are certainly not the centre of advertising world. Therefore, with a heavy heart I have put the castle on the market.

If you are at all interested in purchasing my castle, please contact me on corneliustrunchpole@yahoo.com to arrange a viewing.

Here are a few pictures to whet your appetite.

A day in the life of me, Cornelius Trunchpole.

5:45am – Alarm goes off. I wake up in a delirium, the Birdseye Potato Waffles jingle coursing inexplicably through my mind.
6:00am – I rise from my slumber, attire myself and head downstairs for breakfast.
6.30am – DAMN IT!! We’re out of Potato Waffles!! I settle for porridge.
7:00am – Check the morning post. An invitation to speak at an awards ceremony in London as well as numerous brightly coloured fliers. It seems Pizza Land in Fort William is doing an excellent 2 for 1 offer on any 12 inch deep pan (whatever that is!.
7.10am –17:16pm – not a lot.
17:16pm - Where on Earth are my glasses???!!! Damn it!!!!!
17:17pm - found them.
17.30pm – 18:00pm – flick through an old copy of Ogilvy on Advertising. Not a single mention of yours truly. I struggle to suppress my rage.
18:30pm – weigh myself. Oh dear.
18:45pm – 19:45pm – ponder the eternal predicament of what to have for dinner. With my housekeeper Winona still in hospital I must cook for myself.
20:00pm – Call Pizza Land and ask if they do Arbroath smokies. They don’t.
20:04pm – Call back Pizza Land and ask if they do Beef Wellington. They don’t. Apparently they do however do spicy beef pizza. Reluctantly I order that instead.
20:06pm – 20:32pm - waiting.
20:32pm – food arrives. It’s vile.
21:00pm – Wash foul taste from my mouth with a remarkable 10 year old Ardbeg.
21:20pm – one more can’t hurt.
21:40pm – may as well finish the bottle.
22:00pm – I can’t feel my face.
22:15pm - bed.

Book cover entry no. 5

Now this one is a real cryptic little number! To be perfectly honest I have absolutely no idea what it means. But I love it!!

Excellent work Paul Reissland!

Book cover entry no. 4

This beautifully understated little number is from a wonderful designer named David Austin. The ash tray is remarkably similar to one I stole from the Savoy in 1966 (it was the night England won the World Cup, so no one gave a sodding damn!).

Book cover entry no. 3

Another wonderful design from my friends at Addiction SIA in Latvia! This one may be even better than their first! You can almost see me in it.

I've no idea though whose those shoes are meant to be.

"whose those shoes", that sounds rather nice.

Book cover entry no.2

Another entry! This time from the design genius that is Kevin Butler.

I'm not sure what I love more, the copy on the spine or the tassel! Both more than splendid!

Good on you dear boy!

Trunchpole’s Golden Rules of Advertising no. 12

As I’m on the subject, I will share with you an invaluable tip when it comes to conducting consumer research.

DON’T!!!

Not under any circumstances! Not even if the client threatens to take his business elsewhere! There is nothing you will learn about a creative idea from a bunch of illiterate, possibly inbred, certainly racist, plebs.

(eg the man below)

Trunchpole's True Stories no. 57

Due to all the hours he spent behind two way mirrors, Stanley Pollitt became so accustomed to not being visible he would often be found walking around the office in nothing but his underpants.

On one occasion poor Stanley even had to be physically removed from the ladies lavatory.

Book cover entry no. 1

Here is the very first entry in my little competition to find the cover design for my forthcoming book "Everything you need to know about advertising, plus a few things you don't". It was created by the wonderful men and women at Addiction SIA, a most exciting little agency in Latvia, of all places!

I'm told the design (which features the head of a male penis - naughty!) is representing the undercurrent of depravity that swells beneath the seemingly innocent surface of the ad world.

I've been assured the penis is in no way intended to represent me!

Well done Addiction SIA, a fine effort!!

Who is Cornelius Trunchpole?

I'll tell you.

I was born in the Herefordshire village of Shaftesbury at some point after the turn of the 20th Century. The precise date of my birth is unknown as the Hospital Administrator in charge of birth certificates happened to be away on holiday that day.

Tragically both my mother and my father died in childbirth, meaning I was brought up at the local orphanage until the age of 6, when my infatuation for one of my teachers led the Governor of the orphanage to take the extreme measure of packing me off to serve in the British Army.

After just 4 weeks of basic training I was sent off to war (I’ve no recollection if this was the First World War or the Second), where due to my small hands I was used to polish the tiny insides of tanks (to this day I’ve no idea why).

Whilst serving in the army I took on the secondary role of writing the jingoistic slogans on the side of mortar shells and bombs. “Enjoy this Adolf!”, “PS your hair is on fire!!” and “I AM A BOMB!” being amongst my most celebrated works.

It was my creativity in this field that led me into advertising.

On leaving the Army I went straight to work at the London ad agency Wilson Bagley, where I quickly rose to the rank of Creative Director, writing copy for such accounts as Coleman’s mustard, Heinz, and Monster Munch crisps.

Following a chance meeting in a London phone box I was then offered a job at the McCann Advertising agency in America, where within weeks of joining I had facilitated the companies merger with the Erickson agency (an achievement I received not even a word of thanks for).

At this point I was still only 14 years old.

I then spent the next two decades moving from agency to agency, sometimes as Creative Director, sometimes as head of copy, sometimes as Chairman (once as receptionist – a mistake quickly rectified).

During this time I also founded The Annual Trunchpole Awards, (or Trunchies as it affectionately came to be known), where I awarded the finest advertising to come out each year. Needless to say I consistently won in almost every category.

After years of working for other people I decided to set up my own shop, Trunchpole & Trunchpole (there was no other Trunchpole, I just liked the sound of the repetition).

For 11 beautiful years Trunchpole & Trunchpole was the toast of the advertising World. We were pioneers, inventing techniques commonplace now, but unheard of at the time: the billboard, the voice over, the packshot and, lest we forget, the comparative taste test.

But it wasn’t to last. Trunchpole & Trunchpole tragically fell victim to the great layout pad shortage of 1956, and the dream turned into a nightmare.

The company folded and I Spent the ensuing ten years floating around adland, a forlorn and broken man.

In 1971 I retired from advertising altogether and swore I’d never write another ad again. I cancelled my subscription to Ad Week, bought a castle in Scotland and happily drifted into obscurity.

Some 40 years later however, I’ve changed my mind. It seems that today’s industry could do with a bit of Trunchpole magic.

So there you have it. Trunchpole revelaed.

What else did you expect?